Parenting is Fire

Parenting is like fire, because young people are flames. 

I have a tattoo on my leg of a campfire reminding me of a summer camp that I grew up going to and for which I eventually worked. This camp's motto was keep the flame alive. Children absolutely are flames that need to be built up and tended to. They are strong, bright souls that require the care, compassion, and support of older, wise souls. We collect the long branches of life lessons we've picked up along the way and begin to build our fire. We begin by gently placing our hugs, our loves, and our stabilities as adults at the base of our fire pit. This is our Tinder. Tinder is the fire starter-- without tinder, there is no fire. Then, we add our kindling. We balance discipline with compassion, parenthood with companionship, and teachings with autonomy to allow our flames to climb the branches. With praise and unconditional love as our fuel, we light a match and set the fire ago. You watch as the flames grow higher and higher, contributing to the universe, until its time to put the fire out. Until then, it is important to continue to care for the fire and make sure we do our best to keep a few logs handy, in case we ever need a bit of extra support.

My name is Grace Schoenthal. I'm from Okoboji, Iowa. I grew up with an overwhelming amount of ACEs in my life, but two parents who would do anything for me. I see that through the rain, the snow, the wind, and the cold, my parents kept their fire alive. It's a damn incredible thing. I am excited to graduate from UNI with a degree in Family Services so that I may teach others about child development and the significant roles parents play in their children's lives. I live with my boyfriend and his brother and look forward to my last year at the university. Upon graduation, I hope to work for DHS, as a graduate instructor, and/or as a research assistant. Eventually, I'd like to create infrastructure for juvenile delinquents that combines the effects of a detention center, a state training school, and a summer camp. Similar to the movie Holes, starring Shia Lebouf, juvenile delinquents would be sent to stay at a summer camp. On the contrary, my summer camp would actually be fun; it would focus on team-building activities, self-discipline and therapy, AND traditional summer camp activities. The camp activities are so the juveniles are given opportunities for character development they may not have access to otherwise. Still, the infrastructure would be locked. This is a big goal of mine, but one that if implemented I believe can have great impact on the world.

I have looked forward to taking this class all throughout my college career. Here's to Spring Semester, 2017.

Oppression is Oppression. (Note via Facebook)

https://www.facebook.com/notes/grace-annamae-schoenthal/oppression-is-oppression/1177800518899812

Observations

I have an issue. I mean, we all have issues, but I don't know how to fix mine. 

I am bipolar. 

I am bipolar, but being bipolar is not the issue. 

I have major chronic depression and extreme general anxiety. 

I have major chronic depression and extreme general anxiety, but being depressed and anxious isn't the issue. 

I come from a broken family. 

I come from a broken family, but having a broken heart isn't the issue. 


My issue is that on top of all of these things, I take in the world's hatred, unfairness, and judgement. 
I take in the world with my heart, with my head, with my toes and my arms and my shoulders. 
I take in the world as if all of these things are happening to me. I take in the world personally offended. I take it in and feel all of the pain. I take in the world and immediately hit the downside to being bipolar, depressed, anxious, and broken and don't know how to function or fix it. 

I sit in the Union on my college campus and from the barstools and counters I look over the sea of people and observe. 

First, I notice a white man who is overweight. I notice he has glasses. I notice he has a scraggly beard. I notice he doesn't have a wedding ring. I notice he is probably in his late forties. I immediately feel bad for him. I immediately wish that his life would get better soon and that people would stop making him feel judged and uncomfortable. I want to help.

Then, I notice the black man with sagging pants. I notice he is about my age, a young adult just starting off on his own in the world. I notice that he looks angry. I notice that he is sitting alone. I notice people walk by and move over a few steps to avoid getting to close. I immediately feel bad for him. I immediatley wish that his life would get better soon and that people would stop making him feel judged and uncomfortable. I want to help.

Finally, I notice a white elderly woman. I notice that she is getting an education late in her life. I notice that she is the only one of her age around the entire commons. I notice that her clothes are outdated. I notice that her phone is outdated. I notice that no one is talking to her. I notice that she is brittle and probably colder and more sore than others when she walks across campus. I immediately feel bad for her. I immediately wish that her life would get better soon and that people would stop making him feel judged and uncomfortable. I want to help. 

I notice me. I notice myself sitting above everyone, by myself. I notice myself crying because I am noticing all of these people that I feel bad about. I notice people looking at me because I am crying. I notice that my hair is a mess. I notice that I am a biracial woman. I notice that I am eating a lot. I notice that I have been here all day, in the same spot. I notice all of my clothes are from goodwill. I immediately wish that my life would get better soon and that people would stop making me feel judged and uncomfortable. I want to help.

I notice that the exact hatred, unfairness, and judgement that I hate from the world is coming from the one person I thought wouldn't ever engage in these elements of life. I notice that I am the asshole. I am the one who makes people feel bad. The fact that I would notice all of these things, judge all of these things, assume these people's lives suck, and assume that people are mean to them or make them feel isolated because of these things makes me the asshole. 

I cry. 
I cry for the people. 
I cry because these people's lives must be horrible. 
I cry because these people must hate themselves and wish they could change.
I cry because I would assume all of these things.
I cry because I am the asshole.
I cry some more.
I'm crying a lot. 
It's okay, I cry all the time. 

What do I do? How do I feel better about the world? How do I stop feeling bad for everyone? How do I see that there is more than just pain in the world. How do I notice the people being wonderful and caring. How do I stop taking in all of my assumptions of an awful world that make me feel bad about myself, the people that I see, and the people that I imagine. How do I stop being the asshole? 

I am bipolar. Sometimes I am so happy and feel like life is good. Sometimes, I have hope. Sometimes I have motivation. Sometimes I laugh and love who I am. 
I am bipolar, I am depressed, and I am anxious. Sometimes I hate everyone around me. Sometimes I don't find anything funny. Sometimes I want to stay in bed all day. Sometimes I hate the music that is playing. Sometimes all the hatred in the world gets sucked into my heart, my head, my stomach, my elbows, and my ears. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I cry a lot. Most of the time, I cry. 

I am broken. I notice my family. I notice that my dad is an elderly black man. I notice that he has ragged clothes. I notice he wears the same pants four days a week. I notice that he is sick. I notice that people must avoid him because he is one of the only minorities in the town. I notice I have his truck and I take his money and his daughter is awful. I notice his son lives half way across the country. I notice his life must be terrible. I immediately wish that his life would get better soon and that people would stop making him feel judged and uncomfortable. I want to help. 

I am broken. I notice my family. I notice my mother is disabled single mother. I notice that her only companion is her dog. I notice that her daughter puts all her troubles on her shoulders. I notice that her daughter is far away. I notice that her house is small and cluttered. I notice that she walks funny. I notice that her hair is messy. I notice that she must have a hard time living on her own. I notice that she has very little money. I notice that she must hate her life. I notice that she must be depressed. I immediately wish that her life would get better soon and that people would stop making her feel judged and uncomfortable. I want to help.

I notice that I am the judgement. I notice that I am embarrased by my parents unneccessarily. I notice that I judge my parents more than anyone else. I notice that I am not a good daughter. I notice that I take them for granted. I notice that the pain in their lives doesn't come from others judgement or from their own decisions, actions, and consequences, but from me. I notice that I am a big contributor to the brokenness. 

I don't know what to do. 
I don't know how to change the world. 
I don't know how to change myself.

I do know that I would like to stop crying now. 

Go Get Em', Tigers!

This is an inspirational speech that I wrote for my speech class during my senior year of high school. Although it is a graduation speech, it is directed towards the juniors who will soon be seniors! 

Juniors of Okoboji High School, I appreciate you coming out today to support your fellow classmates. Each one of you have made a special bond with an upperclassman that you’ll never forget, and neither will they. So thank you for coming. Now, I know it’s never on the top of anyone’s bucket list to listen to some girl give a speech, but I promise it’ll be over quick, just bare with me.

To start off, we must recognize Okoboji’s class of 2014; they worked their butts off for twelve years in order to graduate with their friends. Some of these friends have been with them since kindergarten, some of them just a few years, but they are all friends none the less. Whether you are graduating as valedictorian or just barely passing government, you did it; congratulations seniors! As many before me have said, the world is your oyster, Carpe Diem, take the road less traveled by, live as if you’ll die today, go get em’ tiger!

Now, as for the juniors… I have a slightly different message for you all today. You have worked your butts off, as well, for eleven years, and although that’s incredible, keep it up… you’re not done. You’ve still got one more year left and you’ve got to make it count! Many students make it to their senior year and believe they can simply coast through their classes and mess around, but that’s not at all the case. In fact, it’s the opposite… no, you don't want to stress yourself out to the point of an “early life crisis”, but you’ve got to work hard and finish out your high school career strong! You should all do this both in your studies and in yourself as a member of Okoboji High School.

Let me explain. First off, your studies are important, so please don’t give up now. Trust me, college’s don’t look at your grades and say, “Well your grades all look good, except for these D’s here… oh wait, I’m sorry, that’s your senior year. Forget about it, here’s a full ride to Harvard!” Sorry, but it doesn’t happen like that. You’ve got to keep working hard. Oh, and for your information, senioritis isn’t a myth; it does happen. It’s a very serious disease and it’s contagious. But don’t panic, there’s medication. It’s called a couple studying pills and a health dose of reality. I know that lectures can be boring sometimes, and your desk looks really comfy for a good nap at 10:30 in the morning… or 2 pm, but you’re gonna need what you learn someday. Simone Elkeles, a young adult author, once said “Problem is, the bathroom pass can't help you escape life. It's still there when you come out. Problems and crap don't go away hiding in the can.” And she’s right! Make the most out of your high school experience, because no matter how much you want it to go away, you need high school; you’ll learn valuable life skills, make friends, and start to find out who you are. Just know that working hard will push you onto bigger and better things!

Second, each of you students represents a part of Okoboji High School, so do it proud! You juniors will soon be seniors, the top dogs, king of the hill. The freshman and the other underclassmen look up to you and they need positive role models. Christopher Reeve, once said, “What makes Superman a hero is not that he has power, but that he has the wisdom and maturity to use the power wisely…” Follow Superman’s lead and use your power wisely. Forget this seniority thing, yes, it’s nice to eat first at lunch, but if someone needs help, don’t make their situations more difficult by pushing them under the bus because they are younger, help em out! Don’t make enemies by starting drama or talking about others in any negative ways. What’s the point? Just focus on you. Don’t make a fool of yourself for attention so you can get everyone in the school to like you, it’s not worth it! Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself, and a little less time trying to impress people. Have enough self-respect and confidence that you can be your own person and allow underclassmen to look up to you and your elders to see you as a valued member of society.

What’s popular isn’t always right. What’s right isn’t always popular. You’ve got to decide for yourselves if you’re going to do the right things, make healthy decisions, and move on to endure the rest of your adventurous, fulfilling life, or coast through as the most popular kid at school, with high school as possibly the peak of your life. The second option may seem better right now, but in the long run, doing the right thing will pay off big! When you go to your ten year reunion, no one will look back and define you by what clothes you were wearing, who you were friends, or what you did to be popular; but, they might just define you by what you said to people and how you treated others. Take risks, be nice, and be yourself.

Look at that, just five minutes of your time. That wasn’t so bad, right? So please, just remember, you students have the authority now, use it wisely. Don’t slack off and ruin your senior year by catching senioritis, and don’t ruin the underclassmen high school experiences with poor quality role models. This is your senior year, make the most of it, and go get em, tigers. This is your year!

Hidden Beauty

This is a short story that I wrote for my college comp class... it isn't the best story, but writing it made me really happy so I thought I'd share it with you all!

Hidden Beauty

One hundred and two years ago, there was a magical place not so far, far away that was inhabited by thousands of dragons. These dragons came in all shapes and sizes; there were big ones with blue spots, and small ones with yellow spots. There were tall ones with short tails and short ones with long tails. Some dragons could fly and some could swim, some could breath fire and some could breath ice. All of these dragons lived their lives very contentedly and roamed the Iowa cornfields day after day.

A small chubby man with a long white beard named Pete owned all of these dragons; every day he would go out to the cornfields where they lived and feed them, bathe them, and play with them. He was a sweet man, but rather bitter at the world. Everyone he met saw his wonderful dragons only as dangerous creatures, so he saw people as only rude, close minded, and arrogant. He felt he was the only one that truly saw the subtle beauty in the world.

One day, Pete went out to the cornfields to check on the dragons, but they were no where to be found; thousands of dragons were just up and gone. Pete knew something was wrong, so he searched high and low for days to find them. Finally, he came across a group of tall, rugged men with stubble on their jaw lines and hair under their arms. They were filthy, smelly, and mean-looking, but Pete thought he’d approach them anyway in order to perhaps obtain information on the whereabouts of his dragons.

“Hello, men. Would you by chance have seen some dragons go by? There were quite a lot of them; they’d be kind of hard to miss,” said Pete, trying to pull off his kindest voice. Pete was not an aggressive man. In fact, he was a pacifist, a kind hearted man who avoided conflict as much as possible.

“Are you Pete the Dragon Keeper?” boomed one of the men.

Pete was slightly overwhelmed by his shapely chin, large forehead, and loud vocal cords, but he calmly replied, “Yes, sir. I am, indeed.“

“We have your dragons. There is to be a Renaissance Faire built upon the grounds, and we can’t have your dragons causing trouble. We will send them to your land immediately; you have until dawn tomorrow to rid the land of the pests,” expressed one of the men. They rode off into the heat, where mirages made the road look like an ocean. Pete was devastated, but understood there wasn’t anything he could do to stop them. He knew that the dragons were gentle and loving, but he couldn’t have his dragons aggravated by small children poking them and taunting them; he was afraid it would end it the digestion of an entire Renaissance Faire. He believed dragons to be sweet creatures and didn’t want them portrayed any other way, so it was clear to him what he needed to do.

Pete lived in a deep ditch, off the border of the cornfields. When Pete arrived home, all of the dragons were waiting for him, oblivious to their future. The robust men had brought each dragon back in large cages on top of wagons. Pete rummaged in his tool shed for a bit, and found a large tranquilizer dart with poison that could eliminate his problem peacefully. He managed to round up all of the dragons, held his breath, aimed, and fired. One by one, the dragons hearts stopped, Pete’s heart broke, and the deed was done. After he buried each one of his beloved dragons, he realized there was still one left, but no more poison, simply a tranquilizer dart that would put the dragon to sleep. This dragon’s name was Penelope. She was a large purple dinosaur with yellow and green spots. Penelope was very young, and she couldn’t yet breathe fire nor breathe ice. All she wanted to do was play, and she told Pete that with her large, kind eyes. Pete pondered her situation for a while and could think of only one reasonable solution. He hurried out to the middle of the corn field and dug a humongous hole in the ground. Then, he went back to his land and stuck poor Penelope with his tranquilizer dart; she gently fell to the ground. Pete bought an oversize-load, times two truck and used it to take Penelope out to the hole in the corn field. He buried her in the ground, smoothed out the soil, and left her to sleep. Penelope would be Pete promised himself he would wake her up when he found her a new home.

The next day, the Renaissance Faire had indeed been built. Every day, Pete would walk out of his house onto his land to stare out to where his corn field used to be. What was once his corn field was now simply used for small children to acquire facial paintings, cotton candy, and swords. He couldn’t stand watching them play all over poor Penelope as she lay asleep under the ground, but he didn’t have any other choice. A year later, Pete still hadn’t found Penelope a suitable home. He was starting to lose hope, when he saw a little girl at the Renaissance Faire looking at a large stuffed dragon. This dragon was purple with yellow and green spots, just like Penelope. The little girl was trying to convince her mom to let her buy a pet dragon just like stuffed one! She couldn’t think of anything that would make her happier than having a pet dragon like that one. Pete listened closely to see what the mother would say.

“No sweetheart, Dragon’s are scary. They breathe fire and ice, eat people and terrorize villages; they’re just too dangerous!” she replied.

“No they aren’t!” shouted the little girl back at her mother. She was small, but mighty! “They are beautiful! Some are big with blue spots, and some are small ones with yellow spots. Some are tall with short tails and some are short with long tails. Some can fly and some can swim, some can breath fire and some can breath ice, but they are all loving creatures that just want to play!”

Pete couldn’t handle it; he was furious with the mother, yet amazed by the small girl’s bravery and free spirit. After years of bitterness, he had to confront her! He hurried over to the Renaissance Faire to talk to the little girl before it was too late.

“Hello,” said Pete, as calmly and sweetly as he could. “I saw you looking at that stuffed dragon. Do you like dragons?”

“Oh yes, I love dragons! I want one so badly!” exclaimed the small girl.

“What is your name, dear child?” questioned Pete. He was in awe at her enthusiasm.

“Princess Pat! See my crown? My mommy bought it for me here at the fair. We sailed across the Seven Seas and the Channel, too, just to come look at the stuffed dragons! One day I’m going to live in a castle with thousands of dragons! I like to imagine feeding them, playing with them, even bathing them! What’s your name, Mister?” exclaimed the little girl.

Pete thought his struggles were over. If he could convinced the Princess’s mother that her daughter was right, and that dragons were really incredible pets, she would be the perfect person to take care of dear Penelope.

“My name is Pete, Princess. Ya know, I happen to have a dragon. A real one. Would you like to meet her?” asked Pete.

“Really? Oh wow, Pete, I’d love to! But I can’t, my mom won’t let me around dragons,” said the little girl.

“Let me talk to her,” said Pete. With his kind heart, and open mind, Pete discussed Penelope with the little girl’s mother for hours. After lots of arguing and smiling, yelling and laughing, she gave her daughter permission to meet Penelope.

So, one fall at midnight, Pete, Princess Pat, and her mother went out to the Renaissance Faire to dig Penelope out of the ground. She was sleeping soundly, and she hadn’t grown much. Pete tickled her wings and scales until she woke up. The happy dragon woke up and flew circles around Pete. Holding back tears, he explained to Penelope that the Princess would be taking care of her now, and she would have a wonderful home where she could run and play. She nuzzled Pete a little, and flew over to the Princess and her mother. The princess was ecstatic! As Pete turned to leave, she grabbed his shoulder to give him a long, skinny rod that looked much like an ordinary stick. It was obviously hand made, for it was poorly put together and messy, but there was still something quite lovely about it; it was much more colorful that any ordinary stick Pete had ever seen.

“Here,” said Princess Pat, “I call it a rickabamboo. I made it! It’s red, and gold, and purple too! I use it to calm down my pet dragons when they can’t sleep. Well, my imaginary ones. They like to look at the colors.”

Choking back tears, Pete simply said, “Thank you, Princess. You take care of Penelope now, okay? I promise, I will never forget you.”

“Penelope? Okay, Pete! I’ll take good care of Penelope! You take good care of my rickabamboo!” declared Princess Pat.

“I will cherish it forever,” said Pete in a very quiet, content voice. Pete watched them ride off into the sunset across the Seven Seas and Channel, too; Princess Pat and her mother rode on their ship with Penelope flying close behind. The beauty Pete saw in the world had been passed on to another and his spirit was lifted. He realized that maybe there were more positive people in the world than he thought, and he vowed to always keep that rickabamboo close to his heart.

Because I'm Happy...

Count your age by friends, not years; count your life by smiles, not tears. - John Lennon

The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy- it's all that matters. - Audrey Hepburn

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Mahatma Gandhi 

Here goes nothing...

OH HEY WAIT! Click Here If You Want To Be Happy and Smile, Too!

1. Music.

2. My Puppy, Elsie the Cow.

3. My Lovely Mother.

4. Getting an Education.

5. Chips and Guacamole, Almond Paste and Scottish Brownies, Ice Cream and Salads, Food!

6.  Laughing

7. Comedians

8. Sleep

7. Vacuuming

8. Driving

9. Camp Foster and My CF Family

10. My Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Loved Ones.

11. Making Friends.

12. Playing Pool and Ping-Pong

13. Swimming

14. Dancing, Zumba, and Yoga.

15. Small Children.

16. Not So Small Children.

17. Speaking Spanish.

18. Helping People. 

17. Turtles, Horses, Snakes, Kittens, Puppies, and Monkeys.

18. Technology.

19. Water.

20. Shooting Range.

21. James and James's Family.

22. Art, Especially Hispanic Paintings.

23. Alice in Wonderland.

24. Disney and Pixar.

25. Big Bang Theory, HIMYM, Rules of Engagement, House, Orange is the New Black, Breaking Bad.

26. Tumblr, Pinterest, and Blogger.

27. Snapchat.

28. Keeping a Beat.

29. Writing. 

30. My Dear Jack.

31. Playing Tag.

32. Playing GaGa. 

33. Life guarding.

34. Thoughts of the Future.

35. Mrs. Wynette Moore.

36. All of my Wonderful Teachers.

37. Babysitting.

38. Bleys.
39. Talking.

40. Stories and Fairy tales. 

41. My Loyal Friends.

42. Sun.

43. Challenges.

44. Board Games and Card Games.

45. Smiles.

46. Warm Hugs.

47. Cuddling.

48. Sweaters and Leggings.

49. Other People's Happiness

50. Me.

There is so much more I could add to this list, but off the top of my head... there are 50 things that truly make me happy.

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway 

(Thankfully, i'm one in a million.)

Reaction to Steve Job's Commencement Speech

Steve Jobs's commencement speech was simply incredible. I believe his speech easily appealed to any audience member, including both those who were there and those who watched via Stanford News or Youtube, like myself. I agree with each one of the points he made through his three personal stories, but I believe one point that he made is the most important. In his speech, Jobs said that everyone should focus on doing what they love; he believed that that was one of the key’s to his success. I have been trying to live my life like that since I was in middle school; I truly do trust in his philosophy. When I was younger and still trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up, I would tell myself… have a career that you would do for free, if money wasn't a factor. That is why I work at a nonprofit camp. I only get paid three dollars an hour, but I adore my job and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I hope to spend the rest of my working life with a job I adore, just like Jobs did. Though Jobs did not graduate from college, he was still an incredibly successful, well known man, who has definitely influenced billions of lives. Listening to Jobs give a commencement speech like this had more of an affect on me than some speeches, I believe, because I could relate to him in some ways, like him wanting to focus on classes that interest him, and he obviously knew what he was talking about. I believe Jobs was an astounding man and influenced the lives of many greatly by giving his know-how of success to the world. If you would like to be inspired by his commencement speech as well, click here.